Kodomo no Hi... Children's Day on 5th of May

The 5th of May is known in Japan as Kodomo no Hi, or simply put, Children's Day. It's actually one of the set of public holidays that makes up the Golden Week. Actually, you would think a day called Children's Day would be a pretty simple affair. Nothing is simple in Japan. The holiday is associated with a festival tango no sekku, which is a seasonal festival that celebrates the changing of seasons (from Spring to Summer)... it is also associated with the Boy's Festival (now that makes at least some sense).

One of the characteristics of the Boy's Festival is the flying of koinobori, or carp (koi) streamers (bori). Actually... you could also call them, wind-socks, but that doesn't quite have the same ring to it. These used to be arranged by the number of boys in the family. Instead, in Japan you will often see these hung out on long poles or wires from the house (especially from balconies)... The carp are meant to represent the vitality of young boys, swimming up stream, ever threatening to turn in to a dragon....

The top "streamer" is the dragon, which signifies the ideal of the man the boy would turn into. It's then followed by a black, red, then blue carp streamer, which are meant to represent the father, the mother and the son respectively. More children = more colours of carp.

Atop the pole is typically found a very odd contraption, yaguruma, which consists of a number of spinning wheels made of arrows, and a strange "propellor" which both spin wildly around in the wind. I have no idea what symbolic meaning this has, other than to be quite flashy.

Now, I thought I'd just put together a few of the photos I've taken today... a bit of self-indulgence.

And this is quite a cheeky shot... from inside the koi! Now that's just not right!....

Another tradition is that of the kabuto... which is a particular type of samurai helmet that is in an ornamental form. This is normally part of a set that is set up each year for Children's (aka Boy's) Day.

The helmet design actually pre-dates the samurai, but is now very much a part of the samurai image. Boys were an important part of samurai households, continuing on the family name and customs. It was for this reason that the tradition evolved of displaying these martial images as a way of warding of bad luck.

The kabuto helmet consisted of the main "bowl" or hachi (in this case emblazoned with a rather vicious looking dragon and horns)...

And an intricately woven neck guard, or shikoro.

To the right stands the sword, or katana, a samurai's symbol of power.

To the left, the bow and arrows, or yumiya.

The dragon is a sign of strength in Japan... and when you're main aim is to intimidate your opponents, you may as well go all out with the bling.

 

 Now I have to admit these are gifts from doting grandparents in Japan... and I don't want to think about how much they cost... or even how expensive they were to send out to Australia (they are NOT light... no thanks to the rather solid - though beautifully hand painted - display case). 

 But they certainly do allow us to continue L-kun's connection with Japan... to keep hold of a very important part of his life. Something which is not always easy to do.

Farewell and Thanks Otousan and Okaasan

Hisashiburi everyone - it has been a very long time since I've posted anything, and today's a bit of a special day to do so. T-chan's parents have just left Adelaide, and are right at this very moment flying somewhere along the east coast of Australia, heading north back to Japan. It's been an amazing 8 weeks that they've been here, and it's been a huge help for T-chan and I. And I'm sure we'll only truly realise that tomorrow when that help's not there.

Last night was a quiet night of celebration. A family bbq was a fitting way to end their trip, and especially good given how wonderfully warm this Adelaide Autumn has been. Shame I was almost completely out-of-it through work (don't get me started on how hard I've been working this week).

Now as a quick Japanese lesson, mothers are referred by their children (among other things) in Japan as Okaasan, and fathers Otousan. That's what T-chan (and I) call her parents. Grandmothers are called Obaachan, and grandfathers Ojiichan. Hopefully that helps with the rest of the post.

T-chan's parents came down to help out when L-kun was born (nearly 5 years ago) and this time they took even more time to come to Australia... something that was not easy for them to do (leaving their beloved cat home alone with only a daily visit from relatives. In the middle of what has been a quite cold "spring" in Sapporo.

Otousan and Okaasan with L-kun in mid-2007.

And now, 8 weeks later, they're making their way back - back to a life NOT filled with nappies, crying or washing clothes and cloths with incredible regularity. And for all that, it was an afternoon filled with sadness...and I know from long experience just how deep these emotions can run in the Japanese heart. In the hearts of fathers and mothers the world over.

 They will also be returning to a life without the constant amazement of watching a new-born grow and develop... missing the moments that make parenting (and grand-parenting) so worthwhile. The smiles, the gurgling giggles, the holding of fingers in miniature hands, even the sudden eruption of hilarious loud noises from something so small and innocent (see previous comments about nappies).  There has indeed been much happiness and joy to share (as well as tiredness and sleeplessness).

Farewells are always difficult for T-chan and her family. Even though she's been living in Australia just short of 10 years, she has always (and will always) have a very close and special bond with her family, and her home town of Sapporo. It's been a source of strength and resilience for her, but also a source of strain to be separated from her family. Thus these moments are always especially charged with emotion. I'm sure the same goes for her parents. International marriages are in many ways the same as any other marriage... and filled with joys and sadness. However, it's moments like today that you realise the differences.

And that's not to forget that not everything is revolving around our daughter, C-chan... our son, L-kun has also had a big day. He has always had a particularly strong attachment to Obaachan (grandmother), and she's been a constant source of fun and excitement for him these past 8 weeks too. On the way home, he said to me quietly, "Daddy, I already miss Obaachan and Ojiichan..." That was it. He was quiet after that.

So as we saw off T-chan's parents, we knew that today marked another big chapter in our lives, as we once again looked forward to waking the next day - in a much less busy house - with a lot less comfort and yes, support. We know that it will be a big change for us... and we know just how much they helped us over this last two months. We also know how much this trip has taken out of them... and that their travelling days are drawing to an end. I suspect they're quite relieved our plan is to stop at two... but you never can tell...

Otousan, Okaasan,.... arigatou! Till we meet again in Sapporo, soon. We promise that C-chan will still have plenty of nappies to help with when we come. 

Now... when I get time, I might try to fill in the gaps since the last post... as there's much to tell, and much to explore in terms of both parenting and our time around Adelaide.... plus countless bits and pieces that have been left hanging through lack of spare time on the computer. That's the plan however...

The Untold Story - Our Single Umbilical Artery Baby

Now, I've already introduced our daughter, C-chan, who is more lovely by the day (and has already passed three weeks of age). That's not to say we (like all parents) don't have our moments at 3am in the morning, when she decides not to got sleep. It's a feeling only parents can know (and dread). However, it's a feeling we wouldn't change for the world. And not least of all, as the pregnancy was far from straight-forward...

We found out in week 23 (just over halfway through) that our baby had what is known as a Single Umbilical Artery (SUA) - the normal umbilical cord has 2 arteries and 1 vein, but an SUA baby only has a single artery. That means the baby has only half the blood vessels from the placenta providing nutrients. This is not that rare, with approximately 0.5 - 1% of births exhibiting it - and is indeed more common in multiple births. Whilst not rare, the outcomes can be quite life-determining for the young baby. Despite this the SUA complication is not something that you hear that much (if at all). There's no clear cause for SUA - and appears just to happen sometimes. Perhaps it's only the advent of high resolution doppler ultrasound that it's been routinely identified during antenatal tests. Thankfully our ultrasound had also shown no other problem indicators.

The difficulty with SUA babies, is that the odds of birth defects suddenly jumps up to between 25-30% of all live births. That's getting pretty damn close to 1 in 3... and at those odds, Russian Roulette is actually better odds. Of course, for 70-75% of SUA babies, there's no apparent problems, and life goes on as normal. The biggest risk is that the baby will be exhibit intrauterine growth restriction resulting in a very small baby - and with issues similar to premature babies. 

We had to wait another whole 9 weeks (week 32) for the next ultrasound to see how our baby was doing. Amazingly, it turned out that our baby was right on the median growth (no mean achievement, especially given that T-chan is only a wee little lass herself). Once again, there were no adverse indicators and everything looked like it was going excellently. We did have a bit of a scare however when T-chan tested positive for pregnancy-induced diabetes... which a subsequent test proved false. We were starting to feel a little more confident that everything was going to be ok. After all, things couldn't be too bad if the baby was growing well...

Then along came the Week 39 scan, just a week before C-chan was born. By this stage T-chan's parents had arrived from Japan, and had come to meet the obstetrician - it was a big thing, and there was much talking and crying going on in his office. Then we had the scan, right there in the office, with T-chan's mum crying for joy in the background. Everything looked and sounded good - and then the obstetrician did the growth estimate measurement. It was quite a shock when we were suddenly told that the baby had only grown approximately 700g in the intervening seven weeks (with an estimated weight of 2,500g). We had been expecting closer to 3,500g! Suddenly, things didn't quite seem real - and we were now looking at a near "premature" sized baby (in the lowest 10th percentile of weights for gestation age). Needless to say we were just a little stressed that week, suddenly wondering if we were spiralling toward the 30% zone of bad outcomes. It was a quiet ride home that afternoon, and whilst T-chan's parents didn't know the full extent of the issues, they knew that this was not in the plan...

Fast forward one week later (almost) and C-chan was finally born after about 5.5-6 hours of labour... and I have to admit completely without our obstetrician who was stuck in theatre for an operation. To our complete and utter relief C-chan looked a happily healthy (and loud) baby girl when she finally arrived. A few minutes later (after some important time lying on mum's chest), they did the measurements. It turned out... amazingly.... C-chan was a very, very healthy 3,530 grams. The last scan had been a complete error! In fact, C-chan was even 10 grams heavier than her older brother L-kun had been at birth. Indeed, subsequent paediatrician check-ups and a fairly difficult ultrasound later (to check kidneys, as SUA babies have 5-15% chance of having problems with kidneys) seemed to show no problems at all.

 I have to admit, to this day, I wish we had not had to have gone through that last week believing that she was going to be born small. Still - for us, it seems that everything had turned out well (fingers crossed), and that C-chan will enjoy a totally normal healthy life. For many families having an SUA baby however, the story is quite different - and far from happy.

My advice is that if you find out that you're baby is SUA, don't panic. Be positive. I know that's not easy to do when you first find out. There's little that can be done except wait... indeed that's perhaps the worst part of it. You can of course ask for a re-scan if in doubt, and there are a couple of invasive tests that should be avoided if you can help it - which may tell you if there's a chromosonal cause to the SUA. There's much however to be said for living with hope, not dread, in your heart as your baby grows in the womb. My other advice is that if you learn you have an SUA baby, be very careful how much time you spend on the internet... as there are countless horrible accounts to keep you sleepless at night. Really scary stories - which I'm not going to repeat here (you don't need the negatives to be reinforced). The positive stories like this one don't have any where near the impact as the negative ones. If in doubt, speak to your obstetrician. Early. Though don't necessarily take their first answer as the end of it.

And remember - don't concentrate on the odds. This is not about being lucky or unlucky. It's not your fault that you're in this situation, and there's little that you can actively do except to be strong. You'll need it for both yourself, your partner and your children.

Life, precious as it is, is also precarious. Cherish it.